THINGS TO ‘CUT OUT’ SO YOU CAN THRIVE // PART 3: Being a ‘yes’ (wo)man when you really wanna say no
Let’s chat a little bit about boundaries.
I’m not talking about drawing a line in the sand and don’t you dare cross it, but more of energetic and personal boundaries between your friends, co-workers, clients, etc. How many times can you look back on and remember when you may have said yes, to an experience or opportunity or situation, but you really didn’t have the energy, felt it was a good fit, or just wanted to appease whomever was asking you in order to not ruffle any feathers?
Do I have any other recovering people pleasers out there? If not, good for you ma’am. If so, keep on reading, I’ve got stories for you.
For years, I found myself in situations where I was extending myself, remember Enneagram 3, strong wing 2--the helper, but sometimes to the extent of feeling taken advantage of leading to resentment and even anger (yikes). I absolutely love to help others and make sure that they are ok and their needs are taken care of, but I was doing it at the expense of my own. I knew something had to give so I acknowledged the patterns I was allowing and made a change. (During our time in quarantine--because I’ve had ample time to reflect and think, has also shed major light on even more relationships and situations I can create better boundaries in.)
As a nurturer, which I feel many hairstylists + beauty pros tend to be, it is easy to over-deliver, under charge, and say ‘yes’ to appointments, ‘re-do’s’ or the people in our lives when what we should really say to them is something else.
So how do we stop overextending ourselves, overpromising and compromising our well being? You set those boundaries, sister!
Remember this friend-
“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by what you will and won’t accept.” -Anna Taylor
So I ask you, Tell me what you want what you really really want (throwback to the spice girls)? Think about it!
3 questions to ask yourself when you need to create boundaries:
What am I currently doing that is leaving me empty, resentful, burned out?
Who are the people doing this and in what situations?
Do I say ‘I feel bad” on a consistent basis, then over deliver?
After you’ve answered these questions. Sit with it, for a minute, five minutes, an hour. Then, what can you do moving forward to create more happiness and abundance in your life without sacrificing yourself. I’m not saying to stop helping others, doing good, or don’t put yourself out there, but create a dialogue that you can use, the next time a situation arises.
Example scenario: You have a client that comes in for a partial balayage and haircut, because of price, but you and they know that they really need a full balayage, AND a conditioning treatment. You end up doing basically a full balayage application, plus extras and they leave paying you the partial price, because you are afraid to speak up, tell them that it costs more (we’ll chat money mindset soon, as a whole extra topic) , because you don’t want to upset them.
Okay, in the beginning when they first sit in your chair, communicating the truth with them is imperative. Hey Savannah, I see that you’re booked out for a partial today, but you really need a full. The full is xx amount of dollars and I am happy to give you this look if you feel it fits in your budget. If not, we can do the partial, but it will not give you the inspiration photo’s look. Are you willing to have an adaptation to this look according to your budget, or would you like to go ahead with the full service?
What you did was give them options, so they don’t feel blind-sighted but you spoke your truth. This leaves you both with an understanding and a good vibration to leave with. This is just one example of many, but you get the idea here.
Don’t be scuurrred to give them the facts. Being honest and upfront will save you and them any troubles when it comes time for the checkout process. You will also stop overextending yourself, over-delivering, and you will be paid your worth for your time and expertise.
It’s a win, win situation. Please continue being your amazing compassionate self, and you are SO worth leading the vibrant life you have imagined. Align yourself with where you want to be, how you want to feel and how you want to be treated. Don’t forget, you teach others how to treat you. Be a good teacher. You’ve got this!
If you’d like to chat, need help in your business, or putting systems and procedures into place, a strategy session is waiting with your name on it!
